Have you ever talked to a stranger about some of your deepest fears? Vulnerability is a fragile term. Sometimes people mistake it for weakness but it takes more strength to show people a part of who you are, rather than hide it. Being vulnerable is being strong.
This episode is brought to you by Dirtbag Climbers. Music: “End of Winter” by Rest You Sleeping Giant.
(FEMALE VOICE): Um (car horn in background) I’ve never talked to you, and I’ve never done a voice recording. I’m realizing that it’s really intimate. Anyways, I’m going to start.
When I was a kid, I think I was thirteen, I was sexually abused. My mom is currently in an abusive relationship and my sister struggles with depression–and we didn’t know this until she attempted suicide. And lately, just with family, they seem to be going through a lot of challenges. And worrying about them and caring for them and thinking about them–it’s becoming (pause) a little overwhelming. It leaves me feeling so drained. And obviously, I don’t have any control over their lives so, that’s always really hard.
But when I go climbing, I end up feeling better. Climbing has been the most consistent thing, currently, that I have kept for myself. And it’s my time to focus on me and it makes me feel strong. The people make me feel strong, they’re so supportive. They make me laugh. And the whole process, it feeds my soul.
I’ve made it a point to go, even if it’s for a short while, because (pause) I feel like it’s so necessary. At this moment, I don’t know, things can change later but right now, it feels really necessary. And I feel so much fear and insecurity and doubt, just like so many other people, that I allow climbing to be a time and a place to get over those insecurities and to practice feeling strong and to practice reaching goals and eventually, hopefully, these skills can (long pause) bleed into my everyday life and start spreading outward.
I am so grateful to have met some of the people that are my friends now. I mean, they’ve, they’ve saved my life–connecting with them, I mean, not like, not like belaying (laughs).